Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

No, I'm not featuring in Annie. I am going to a University Open Day, Kent (Canterbury campus,) which I am rather nervous/ excited about, as it is one step closer to life after A levels or what is known as being a 'grown up.'
I don't know if I'm quite there yet. And by there, I mean ready to fly the nest, I'm clearly out of the whole nappies and restless nights stage; although I can't fully say restless nights are no longer existent in my life, as they are. But anyway, I just don't feel old enough, I'm eighteen next month and the whole concept is surreal: excited yet bloody scared comes to mind!
I do think that the past two years have flown by, in comparison to that of my pre-sixteen years, which seemed to slowly crawl away- don't get me wrong there has been the odd stumble or two, but now I feel I am really beginning to find 'myself'.
I probably sound as if I am dribbling away, as a melodramatic teen, fighting against the stereotypes, which young people of today are often finding themselves falling into. I would say I'm your average plain Jane. Even then I am boxing myself into the stereotype ring. But why is Jane plain? What is plain about Jane? Who knows?..
I don't that's for sure. I have no clue about my future- apart from the fact that I am apprehensive about every decision I make. Why? I hate failure. Failure, isn't that what all teenagers want to to be, dreaming of ending up on benefits and a 'lush' pad to go with the trendy ankle tag, to boast about to your mates with? No. That comes nowhere near top on my "Things To Do When I'm Grown Up" list.
It's the same with all of my friends, whom all of which want to be doctors and therapists of some sort. They are the type that to outsiders seem to have been pre-weaned on to competitive future puree. Where as it would seem that I was weaned on to the world-known, parents favourite of: 'you can do what ever you want to, the future is yours' rusks. Rusks, yes, I told you I'm a plain Jane. Despite what ever we are weaned on to by our parents, it's ultimately always in most cases 'us' that make the decisions, always looking back making sure that our safety blanket of parental guidance will be there no matter what, making sure that we are always heading along the right path.
I have had too much of this as I was a child. Overindulged. Overindulged in "you can achieve anything," which as a young child does, takes to heart and imagines every career possible. It wasn't until I reached year 9 (fourteen years old,) that I realised that I wanted journalism to be a part of my future. It's been baby steps all the way, now I am going to unleash myself to the world, to a point where I will be resumed back to my infantry stages of being vulnerable once again. It is exciting to know that. As this time I will be able to grow and shape my own future; instead of being moulded in to the expectations of parental guidance books, I will set my own- which can be adapted at any moment to suit life as it my approach me.
Well, as long as my safety blanket is always behind me...

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